A rhyme, a rhythm, an incantation that landed in my head sometime in my early twenties, while bustling to the Metro through the streets of DC, after work:

What’s your situation?

Location  Location

What’s your situation? 

Vocation Vocation

What’s your situation?

Your Nation  Your Nation

What’s your situation?

Creation  Creation

It came through my head with a sort-of hip-hoppy feel and moxie (but, I’ve found over  the years, it can also sound cool with a prog rock, overly dramatic theme, heavy metal, or minimalist spoken word approach; feel free to experiment!). And it stuck in there, surfacing periodically over the years as a mindworm, a silent chant – a delivered, spare hierarchy of, you know, ‘the fucking condition, man!’ or, I guess, the template of the condition: your XYZ momentary position; followed by your daily grind or lifelong passion; up to and maybe overlapping with your Identity -your people, culture, religion; and finale-ing at Creation, that is, the underlying shit – the secrets behind, life, death, the universe, this blog post, and where your situation stands with it. (maybe?)

Now, I’m thinking, this was a message from my older self, or a momentary spark of wisdom beyond my years, that is now slowly (or quickly?! ) being caught up to by my actual years. At 40, these seem like more serious questions — rather than just a nifty rhyme , or something with cool philosophical undertones, or something with the potential to come out in the course of a discussion, that ensues between me and a record-producer guy that I happen to sit next to on a plane sometime, and it happens to be the perfect hook for a track he’s recording, leading to some sort of hip, literary fame…. (a person can dream, right?).

In my most questioning and self-critical of times, the steps on the situational ladder now seem more fraught, more time sensitive, more zero sum. In my best ad-copy voice: “Just FOUR easy steps  to understanding, Exactly, where you fucked things up and fell short. No money down.” OR: “Where the hell have you been on being on top of this shit, you braindead, blasé asshole!” (That second one, was less ad-copy voice, and more existential scream guy – see above)

But, it seems, those times are mostly about answering the wrong question- what is NOT my situation?

• Now: I’m not writing and contemplating in a study, connecting deep thoughts and creativity. I’m not in the thick of anything bigand important.
• My daily work is not a positive force in the world. I peddle information for industry, for what?
• See above, and I’m a lot of “not-reallies” – not-really Jewish; not-really handy; not-really a sports fan; not-really an activist; not-really an aficionado of anything in particular. I haven’t found “my people” (like Michael Chabon’s son has).
• 

(Man, That also all sounds very whiny). Answering to my situation more affirmatively,  though, I realize, can be more satisfying. Now: I am sitting at my computer, blogging, in the early morning, while my kid’s sleep, my wife jogs.  Soon, I’ll be a lunch-packer, a nagger, a hugger. After the kid’s are on the bus, I’ll be in an editor, a middle-manager, a remote-worker, a meeting-goer, a salary-maker. I’m a husband, father,  homeowner, baseball coach (well, assistant), a blogger (?), a writer (?), a gardener (let’s not get carried away). I feel a sense of community when I walk in the local JCC or parks. I still have underlying reverence for the ineffable in the world — and Sometimes it doesn’t completely freak me out. Also, I still might find myself at some chance, fortuitous meeting on a plane, or otherwise in the right place, at the right time, right?